The Isle of Man

It is so embarrassing that EVERY attorney in town knows that I got a speeding ticket last week.  I got the ticket and within two days, I received FOURTEEN letters from attorneys offering to help me.  I think I am going to call one of them because it really is not fair that I received this TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY DOLLAR fine and blot on my reputation.  I didn’t even mean to speed that day!

I was just minding my own business, listening to A Prayer for Owen Meany, my book on Audible which is like 62 hours long.  I wasn’t even in a hurry, which is very unusual.

Imagine my surprise when this overeager officer, obviously trying to make his end of month quota, flew up behind me.  I was startled!  I looked for an accident around me and pulled over quickly to get out of his way.  And then… he did NOT go around me to help someone in distress, but instead eased in behind me.

I was floored.  Was I in a school zone?  Actually, I may have been.  But it was only 2:13 PM so I knew school wasn’t out yet.

I immediately pulled my YMCA name-tag out of my pocket and laid it on the console, just so he would know I am a nice person (in general, Y people are nice).  I rolled down my window and before I could inquire about why he pulled me over, he said, “Is there a reason that you were going 57 in a 45?”  I wanted to say, “57 is my favorite number.”  Instead, I said, “No.  I didn’t realize I was going 57 in a 45.”  And then I wanted to say, “Why don’t you go catch a criminal or help an old lady cross the street and not bother me?  I am a good person who just doesn’t always pay attention to speed limit signs.”  But I refrained again.  He took my license and walked away.

I have been pulled six other times and only received two tickets, so I was hopeful he would just give me a warning.  On time I really do think my Y shirt got me off because we talked about the officer’s child being in Y after-school.  Another time Lisa was nursing which was very distracting to the officer.  He was so uncomfortable with the whole situation, he just let me go.  When I got pulled speeding more recently in a school zone, for some reason the guy gave me a pass.  I think it is because Michelle was in the car, and I teared up.   Mercy, I just want mercy!  What was this guy’s problem?

Thanks to him, I am going to have to pay a ton of money, and I just drove to the mountains of North Carolina never exceeding five miles over the speed limit.  It took forever, and I felt like such a dweeb.  EVERYONE was passing me.

I don’t even like speed limits.  They are stupid.

I am moving to the Isle of Man off the coast of the United Kingdom.  It is the ONLY country with absolutely no speed limit.  I looked it up on Google.  And it seems like a lovely place.

PHOTO = $100

You can’t do this.  It is illegal!!!  It is unfair.  Re-dic-u-lous!!!

This is the SECOND time that I have received a SPEEDING ticket when visiting DJ in DC.  Yeah.  Bad me for speeding, huh?  WRONG!

They don’t have police up there.  They just put a camera out and take a picture of you and tell you that you owe $100 without any dag gone proof that you have sped.

39 in a 25 zone they say.  Yeah.  Well prove it sucka!  I could take a picture of your damn car driving down the street too and SAY that YOU’RE speeding.  But I got no proof.

What are their policemen doing?  EATING DOUGHNUTS?

Get the cream filled, chocolate covered puff out of your mouth and get to work!  If you want to give me a ticket because I’m speeding, fine.  Do it like a man.  Follow me.  Turn on your stinkin’ BLUE LIGHT, walk up to my window and write out the ticket in cursive!

In Raleigh, our officers will track your butt down, with a vehicle, and give you a citation.  That is fair.  This is NOT.  They can’t even put points on your license for this infraction because it is stupid.  The insurance companies won’t believe them.

I am employed by the YMCA.  I can’t take a picture of someone I perceive to be out of shape, send them the pic, and charge them for a membership.  I have to work for it.  I have to advertise, give them a tour, and convince them that our services would make a difference in their life.

What the heck?

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