The Ads, Good Lord, The Ads


I am thankful, thankful that political ads are OVER!

What the heck?

Apparently Kirk Deviere, a candidate for the North Carolina Senate, dresses nicely, with cuff links and  pocket squares – a criticism from his opponent that he looks good on the outside but apparently is a scoundrel on the inside.  I don’t give a rat’s behind how Kirk Deviere dresses.  I just care about what he might vote for!!  And whether he’s competent!  And I also have cuff links!  And his opponent, who had a photo, very small, at the bottom of the ad, looks sort of messy.  AND, Kirk Deviere is NOT even in my district, yet I am subjected to this hourly bashing of him!

One Super Pac, whatever that is, found the worst photo that has ever been taken of a North Carolina US Senate candidate, and accused her of not paying her taxes on time.  Like not paying them on time 66 times!

I’ll have to admit, I was quite appalled, until I read an article in the local newspaper that quoted her OPPONENT as saying that the ad was unfair and misleading to her explaining that the candidate in question received her property tax notice that says it is due by Sept. 30 each year but delinquent if paid after January 1.  Apparently she paid before January 1 like EVERYONE else in Wake County but missed the September 30 “due” date.

Guess what?  My property tax bill, which was due on Sept. 30, is sitting on my kitchen counter.  It will be paid by January 1, and my $5,000 will be collecting interest in the interim.

What ding dong would pay it in September?  Maybe the guy who ran against Kirk Deviere?

By the way, I don’t even know Kirk Deviere, whether he is a Democrat or Republican.  I also don’t know his opponent, not even his name.  The ad just annoyed the crap out of me.

You can tell when an ad starts if it is going to be snarky.  The images are gray, clouds are surrounding an unattractive candidate wearing workout clothes with her mouth wide open, a sprig of spinach tucked in her front teeth.  And then, suddenly, like the second coming of Christ, the clouds part, the sun comes out, the photos become clear and spring flowers descend upon the screen while the professionally taken photo of the sponsoring wannabe politician slowly comes into clear view.

Give me a break!  I know what they’re doing, and it makes me want to vote for someone else!  Stop it!  It is rude and distasteful.

I have an idea.  What if folks running for office honestly told us what they believe?  What their values are – what issues they would vote for and what they would vote against.  How about disqualification if they mentioned their opponent?  And what if we limited their commercials to two.  Only two.  And only the week right before the election.  We could all go to Singapore that week to put us out of our misery.

I recorded CBS Sunday morning before the election and turned it on last night to catch up.  Because it was a week old, I walked in the room and heard a political ad.  I had a visceral reaction.  It threw me back to a time of my life I didn’t want to return to: last Tuesday, pre-election.

It’s just a sad, sad state.

91 Useless Hours



I am done.  I’m moving to Florida.

Can you imagine living in Boston?  I mean, why, why, why would you choose to spend your life, or even 45 minutes, in a place that feels like the Siberian Tundra?

Over the past three weeks, my children have missed more school than they’ve attended due to inclement weather, and they have also watched more TV than imaginable.

As busy as my oldest daughter seems to be, we recently calculated the number of hours she has spent watching the TV series Gossip Girls over the past few weeks.  I believe it to be about 91.  NINETY-ONE hours.

Can you imagine what could be accomplished in that amount of time?

Extreme Home Makeover could do an overhaul of your entire home, demolish and rebuild, in 91 hours.  You could fly around the world in a Boeing 747, TWICE, and have enough time leftover to play a round of golf.  If she moved quickly, 91 hours might even be enough time for DJ to fully clean up her room.  Well, the way it looks today, that might be pushing it.

DJ, Stephanie and Michelle don’t just watch a single show.  No, all three log-on to Netflix and watch television series.  Like from show 1 to show 200 – or more!  Michelle is addicted to Gilmore Girls.  Both of her sisters have completed that epic and have moved on to others.

They are now asking me to upgrade our Netflix account so that more people in the family can watch different shows at one time.

Guess what?  That ain’t happening.

Well, unless all four of us get trapped in this house for another 24 hour period.  Come to think of it, Netflix may be the only reason someone in this foursome is not dead yet.


Big Bliss

Every afternoon of my childhood, I’d come home from school and watch an episode of Gilligan’s Island.  Who didn’t love that show?  Ginger and Mary Ann were easy on the eyes, and Mr. Howell was my idol:  old, rich, and Lovey was hot for a 70-year-old woman.

Now a days, my kids are watching reality TV, and there is plenty to go around.

There is this one show on TLC where they take really, well, ugly people, and they make them beautiful.  It is amazing!

First they make them look in this HUGE mirror so they can really see how very unattractive they are.  The mirror encircles them.  They can see every single nook and fanny of their body.  That’s the sad part of the show.

Then they make them throw away all of their crocks and black socks and t-shirts that say “I’m with Stupid.”  It can be very emotional, these clothes and the ugly person have been together for a very long time.

Then they give them $5,000 and take them shopping in New York to buy some decent outfits.

These people are bad off.  They always cry in the store because they don’t know what to buy, and they can’t get the image of the big mirror out of their head.  But eventually, the hosts of the show come to their rescue.  It’s all up hill from there.  And every single time, without exception, they end up beautiful – I mean stunning!

I have a hard time sitting through the entire hour, but I make the girls promise to find me when they get all the ugly out.  It’s just intriguing.  I  think everyone should go on that show.  The world would be a much more pleasing place to live.

There’s another series where a bride-to-be comes in and picks out her wedding dress.  Everyone in her family accopanies the bride, and they fight about which gown she should choose.  It’s called Say Yes To the Dress.  And, it has a sequel for big women – Say Yes To The Dress, Big Bliss.  I wonder if the larger ladies know they are going to be broadcast on a show that emphasizes their enormity.  I would not go on Say Yes To The Tank Top, Tiny Biceps.

I have learned some things from TLC.  The other day Stephanie tried on a pair of shoes with a new dress I had bought her.  My reaction when she walked out of the dressing room?

“Those really make that dress pop!”  (That means they make the dress look even prettier).

I also pointed out that she might want to try layers if she wanted to look taller (Don’t ask me, that’s what Stacy and Clinton said).

I could probably be one of the hosts of these fashion shows, but I’d rather be drinking a beer with the Skipper.

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