Two Guys and a Subaru

Posted by Danny and Jesse

Jesse and Lisa’s sister and her family are moving to Raleigh this week.  That is great news for all!  To assist with the move, Danny and Jesse flew to Boston this morning and drove one of their cars home today.  This was our trip:

5:15 am – Grandaddy Tanner wakes up to be sure we are not late for our flight.

5:30 am – Grandaddy Tanner wakes Danny and Jesse.

5:39 am – Danny is showered and dressed and ready to depart.

5:52 am – Jesse runs out of his bedroom, wet head and belt pending.

9:00 am – Danny has peed five times thus far.  

9:35 am – Sister and brother-in-law feed us well – pancakes and sausage – might not help the bathroom issues.

10:05 am – On the road – Danny at the wheel, Jesse with Google Maps.

1:15 pm – Driving through Manhattan, Pride Parade Traffic a significant problem.

1:27 pm – Wreck on George Washington Bridge.

1:30 pm – Honked at by a New York Cabbie; honked back just to fit in.

1:32 pm – Discovered Hot 97.1 Rap Radio

Morning Topics of Conversation:  Cuss words (which are most inappropriate), Voter ID Registration (got no problem with it), Gun Control (probably need it), sibling dynamics (we have some), Twitter (Danny needs to get with the program – would you follow him?), private school tuition (ouch), marriage (you can only imagine), what we’ll be doing in 15 years (we have some theories), rest stops in the North East (not a fan of the rest stop/fast foot/gas station combo), God – and other religions.

2:00 pm – Driver switch at a New Jersey rest stop (guess who peed?)

3:00 pm – Concert in the car baby! (Take me to the River – Talking Heads, Love in an Elevator – Aerosmith, America – West Side Story – didn’t expect that one huh?)

3:22 pm – About to run out of gas, Jesse says, “Let’s push it.”

3:25 pm – Stop for gas, Danny said, “Are you nuts?”

5:15 pm – Tears over Lisa

Afternoon topics of conversation:  Taxes (hate ’em), pick up basketball rules, skinny dipping (nothing recent), Is it ok for a minister to be gay? (both sides of the issue discussed), texting while driving (shouldn’t be doing it), pink shirts (can be cool), Churches (conservative, moderate and liberal), UNC football program (don’t won’t to comment until the investigation is final).

7:30 pm – Food finally.

Last four hours – since Danny has an affinity for Earth Wind and Fire, Prince and other soulful music, Jesse decided to expose him to Outkast and Kanye West.  Danny’s visiting itunes tomorrow!

11:15 pm – At grandma’s house looking for her cat (don’t ask).

11:30 pm – Home at last.

Dad, got any gum?

Posted by Danny (written last Sunday)

My trip responsibilities used to be:

1)      Carry all suitcases to the car after they were packed.

2)      Load the car.

3)      Get cash.

4)      Drive.

5)      Swim with the kids at the hotel (Lisa did NOT swim at indoor hotel pools).

6)      Carry all bags into the house when we returned home.

My have things changed. 

Packing:  I do pretty well at remembering the critical things that must accompany us on trips:  bathing suits, toothbrushes, rubber bands for hair.  It’s picking out the clothes that stresses me out.  I can’t imagine that we’d ever be in Boston in February and need shorts or flip flops.  But I pack them.  What if a heat wave rises from South America?  What if we unexpectedly get invited to a Hawaiian themed party when we get there?  My mother-in-law can fit two weeks’ worth of clothes in a book bag.  It’s a combo of good folding and strategic planning.  Not me.  What if someone pees in their pants?  Might need an extra outfit or two.

Shopping:  In Boston I went with DJ to a store to help pick out flats (that’s a type of women’s shoes) for the cotillion dance on Thursday.  Actually, she’d already been in the store with her Nana and Aunt Sallie, but since I was carrying the credit card, I got to make the final decision.  She asked for a size 8.  I made the woman bring an 8 ½ too.  I’m not sure why – when Lisa bought the kids shoes, there always seemed to be a lot of boxes sitting around; it seemed like one just wasn’t enough.  I had her stand up and walk and felt for her toe.  I’m pretty sure I came across as knowledgeable.  After that I looked at the saleswoman and at DJ and said, “What do you guys think?”

“The 8” they replied in unison. 

“Yeah – my gut was leaning in that direction too.”

Gum:  Does gum come with the pocketbook or do you have to buy it separately?  I’ve never met a woman who did not have gum or lifesavers on her person.  Men produce sweat.  Women produce lifesavers.  They never run out.   I’m now in charge of trip gum.

As kids my mom always made us split a piece of gum in half.  Until last year, I didn’t know you could fit an entire stick in your mouth.  And when I finally did chew a full Wrigley’s, I felt ashamed. 

“Dad, why can’t we have the whole piece?” 

“I don’t know, ask your grandmother next time you see her.”

Skipping and dancing:  Today at the airport, Michelle was holding my hand and said, “I like to skip.”  Although it was phrased as a comment, it was really a question.

“I like to skip too.  There’s a big, long open hallway right here.”  And off we went.  I thought I’d get some eye rolls but instead got warm smiles.  It gave me enough courage to take the next step (the airport wasn’t crowded).  I learned to Chasse and Grand Jete.  Took me about 12 tries, but once mastered, it was good enough for Michelle to brag on me to her siblings.  At least I think it was bragging, she said, “Everybody, everybody, look at Dad!” and she was laughing in a proud sort of way.

I might give Jesse some props too.  Yesterday at the nephew’s birthday party, he broke out some impressive moves to in Sync’s Bye Bye Bye.

I did do two things that are typical dad.  We ate dinner at Dunkin’ Donuts tonight and this morning I coaxed Stephanie into going to the lobby to fetch my coffee.  Some things never change.

Gotta Go Right Now!

Posted by Danny Tanner

Why do girls pee in their pants?

I’m not using names, but hypothetically, we could have had an incident at Boston Logan airport today.  And it could have been caused by extreme laughter.  If laughing makes you pee, it’s a wonder my kids aren’t leaking all over the United States.

This isn’t the first time.  Lisa used to get so mad at me when I’d tickle the girls hard enough to make them pee.  That wasn’t my goal, and there was absolutely no forewarning.  Lisa would say she could have seen it coming.  How?  I saw nor heard anything that would have clued me in to that possibility.  Once they passed the stage where they grabbed their crotch at the first inkling of a “gotta go” moment, I lost my ability to tune in to the foreshadowing of this event.

I don’t really understand this phenomenon.  If I need to pee, I feel it coming.  I stop all action and move toward the nearest bathroom in a rapid manner.  Sometimes it feels like I’ve cut it close, but I think it would take a lot of water or a number of pitchers of beer to make me wet myself. 

I also don’t remember peeing in my pants as a kid.  I don’t remember my brother peeing in his pants as a kid nor any of our friends.  Jesse has never peed his pants in my presence.  Why does this happen to girls?  Is it like a champagne bottle?  The cork pops and it just starts pouring out?

Many years ago I remember a group of women from work going on a retreat to the beach for the weekend.  Apparently they were walking down the beach in the edge of the water.  One sweet, sweet lady suddenly stepped into a hole.  It startled her and she got tickled and immediately peed in her pants.  This would not happen to a guy.  We might pull our pants down and tinkle in the ocean, but I assure you it would be intentional.

The first time one of our girls wet her pants at an age old enough to know better, Lisa told me it was quite normal for women.  She recalled a friend from college returning home to the ADPi house mid-date one time with her coat tied around her waist.  When Lisa asked her why she had returned home so early, she said she was cold and wanted to put something warmer on – that was the story in front of her the fraternity boy she was courting.  I guess you’d be cold too in November with a soaking wet lap.

I’m trying to become more in tune with my feminine side so I can better relate to the girls.  When I get off this plane, I’m going to go home and try to pee in my pants.  Maybe then I’ll understand.

Memorial Day, A Few Months Early


I promise you, this is a blog about two well-meaning but often clueless guys trying to raise three wide-eyed girls in the wake of their mother passing away at too young an age. It is not a blog about a grief-stricken family. The latter, though meaningful and heartfelt, does not seem like a blog I would be interested in following for very long. The former is full of funny tales and moments that make you think, and, hopefully, would be a blog folks would find to be an interesting read.

But it’s “remembering week”, so that’s what we’re doing.

I speak for myself here, but yesterday (yes, February 24th was the date she died) was really not a difficult day for me. Maybe it’s because we were always on the go, flying up to Boston and running around town most of the day. Maybe it’s because we’re away from the house. Maybe it’s because–due to the approaching anniversary and some other stuff–I had a miserable week last week and didn’t have enough left in me to stay sufficiently glum.

But whatever the reason, I did not feel the harrowing sadness I did a year ago, and that I have felt at times this past year, and feared I might experience yesterday. Whereas I appreciated every single word, note, comment, and letter I received a year ago (even the ones I was never diligent enough to respond to) and read and re-read most of them multiple times, yesterday I kind of got annoyed as the texts, emails, calls, and facebook messages rolled in–like I was getting reminders that I should be feeling worse than I was. (note to friends: yes, I just irreverantly dismissed all of your good intentions. I am that jerk. But what can I do? That’s how I felt. I still advocate friends reaching out to friends, I promise!)

Which brings me to the multiple rememberances that have gone up to honor Lisa. Much like the generous gifts that were given in her memory to First Presbyterian Church and St. Timothy’s (and the $20,000+ that was given to cancer research through St. Timothy’s Spring Sprint), the physical memorials are a beatiful tribute to her legacy. But after yesterday, I wonder: will I look at these memorials and be happy and nostalgic? Or sad and annoyed? Will they bring joy in rememberance of a life well lived or anger at a life cut short? Of course, the memorials are not FOR me. They are for her, and Danny, and their girls, and my family, and all those who knew and have heard and will hear about Lisa. So I can get over myself. But I do wonder.

Regardless, they are beautiful and touching and despite my terrible introduction, I hope you enjoy seeing them. I hope I do, as well.

At St. Timothy’s, the front playground was dedicated to Lisa’s memory, marked by a plaque and a statue of two children on a bench reading (the picture at the top of the post is the writing on the bench). At DJ’s urging, Danny and the girls tied a balloon to one of the children in the statue before we left for Boston. Someone was also thoughtful enough to attach one on St. Timothy’s famous “Balloon Day”, one of Lisa’s favorite days of the year.


At First Presbyterian, an incredibly constructed, hand-made wooden music stand was dedicated to Lisa’s memory. The story, I believe, is that well before Lisa died the maker was moved to build the music stand, but wasn’t quite sure why. Then Lisa, a long-time director of the Children’s Choirs, passed away, and he realized (and I don’t want to speak for anyone here, but this is how it has been told to me) that the stand had been divinely inspired, his actions and hands guided by God. It is magnificent enough in its construction that I would find it difficult to disagree.

The engraving reads:

Lisa’s commitment to First Presbyterian Church was evident through her deep level of involvement. Lisa loved music and shared that love through her service as Co-Director of the Children’s Choir.

Dedicated in Memory of Lisa by the Choirs of First Presbyterian Church.

Designed and created with loving care by Hilliard Green, Jr.


At our family vacation spot, Capon Springs, WV, they have been going through some major building improvements. Our family opted to dedicate a new fireplace in the main house to Lisa. We picked the fireplace because it is the centerpiece of what was probably Lisa’s favorite activity at Capon: sitting around the main house living room, chatting with friends, catching up (read: gossiping!), playing group games, having sing-a-longs, and generally just loving life with good friends. After some good family brainstorming, my mom came up with “Sing Songs, Share Stories” for the inscription–it’s perfect. (note to Caponaires: the stone may not look exactly like this when you arrive in August).

Raleigh or Bust!

Posted by Danny
We’ve escaped!  Flew out of Raleigh at 6:55 am on Thursday to spend a long weekend with Lisa and Jesse’s sister and her family in Boston.  Finally, we get to meet Kinsey – the new addition to the family (remember who’s the Godfather!?).

This summer, Sallie, Matt, Sam and Kinsey are moving to Raleigh!  Sallie has accepted a job with Duke and Matt is seeking employment in the Raleigh area (he is gainfully employed in Boston – head of marketing and communications for a large national nonprofit – if anyone out there needs him, I can forward his resume in a matter of seconds).  We can’t get them down here soon enough.

I thought I’d share the top ten things that I believe Matt and Sallie are going to love about Raleigh:

10.  Not as much snirt (snow mixed with dirt).

9.  We throw our empty bottles of liquor in the recycle bin.

8.  No Maritime museums where you have to look at Uncle Jesse in too small dress-up clothes.

7.  If you’re a witch, less chance you’ll get burned at the stake.

Site of the Salem Witch Trials (or close)

6.  No toll roads – ahh, well maybe we shouldn’t really count that one (North Carolina Turnpike Authority – ooops!).

 5.  We don’t have these.

I'm not sure what this is and I'm not 100% comfortable sleeping in the same town with it tonight.

4.  No need for locks on your hub caps – seriously, they just bought a new minivan and opted for the hub cap locks (we do not have hub cap locks in NC).

3.  I think there may be a Fatima’s franchise in Wake County.

Fatima's Psychic Studio

2.  Warmer climate; no need for a hat like this.

DJ's cheer pom poms weren't that big

And the number one reason Matt and Sallie are going to love Raleigh:

1.  They may be sited in this blog more often!

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