Up-tight!

Posted by Danny

I had to buy tights today for our grand performance in A Christmas Carol.  DJ needed a pair of white tights for her dance number – and, yes, so did I. 

I was a bit embarrassed about buying tights for myself.  I’ve never done that – didn’t know if there were boy tights and girl tights or if they were unisex.  Didn’t know if I needed the more see through boogers or if I needed the thicker ones.  And I wasn’t really excited about telling a sales clerk I needed a pair of white hose.  Something just didn’t feel right about that.

I walked into our regular dance store – it’s small and I didn’t think I’d see any of my buddies there.  The clerk greeted me, “Can I help you?”

“Yes.  I need two pair of tights.”

“OK – what size.”

“My daughter comes to about here on me,” I held my hand up to my nose. 

“How much does she weigh?”

“I have no idea.  Medium.”

“And the other pair?”

“Oh – those are for a man, six feet – 1/2 inches, 172 pounds.  They are for a performance.”

“Does he need a dance belt?”

“I don’t think so. Isn’t there elastic at the top?”

“No.  A dance belt is sort of a thong you wear under the tights for support.”

“No!  He would not be needing a dance belt!  it’s not like that!  He won’t be exposing anything above the knee.  He will be wearing knickers over his tights.  No support is needed!  In fact, I’m pretty sure he’ll be wearing boxers underneath his tights and knickers.  That’s what he wears.”

“Let me go get them out of the back.”

She returned with two pair of tights and headed to the cash register. 

“How much  are those?”

“The men’s are $26.”

“What?”

“$26.”

I’m not sure every sock I own combined cost me $26.  This is a racket!  How can they charge that much for hose?  If I get a run in them, I’m gonna hurt someone.

She entered my phone number in the computer.  “Mr. Tanner, you get a 10% discount.”

“That’s not enough.”

“Mr. Tanner, do you know how to put these on?”  She figured out he was me. 

“I don’t understand the question.”

She put her hands in motion, “You roll the leg of the tight up and place your toes in the bottom.  Then you pull the rest of the tight up your leg.”

“Thank you.”

Did she think I was going to hang them on the door knob and try to jump in?

Earlier today I asked Jesse if he wanted me to pick up a pair for him.  He said “No.  I think I’ll need to try them on.”

Try them on?  You don’t try tights on in the store!  It’s like underwear.  But I didn’t tell him.  I thought it would be pretty funny if he went into a store and told them he wanted to try on some tights!  I can’t wait to ask him how his trip to the dance store went.

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A Christmas Carol, Day 1

Posted by Danny

Tanner family quotes from the first night of A Christmas Carol rehearsals.

  • “I cannot believe it is 5:30 and you have not started your homework!  What have you been doing all afternoon?”  “Watching TV.”  “Unbelieveable!  Just unbelievable.  You’ve got thirty minutes!  Get to work!”
  • “Eat quicker!”
  • “Fifty-five nights!  I have lost my mind.”
  • “Dad, am I an alto, soprano or second soprano?  BTW, what is a second soprano?”
  • “Dad, you backed into a tree.”
  • “&%$#.  I was in a hurry!”
  • “I need to sit by someone who can sing well.”
  • “Danny, is Jesse coming to rehearsal tonight?”  “I’m only his brother-in-law.  I do not know.”
  • “Uncle Jesse sure is cranky.”
  • “I haven’t sung since 1983.”
  • “Is that the tenor part?”  “I just made that up.  I do that when I don’t know what we’re supposed to be singing.”
  • “When they split us up into our stage families, I need to be in a gay marriage and my partner needs to be a tenor.”
  • “What if they put us all in one stage family?  That would be so embarrassing.”
  • “Dad, they’re going to put Michelle in your stage family because she cried at tryouts.”
  • “Lisa is looking down laughing her butt off.”
  • “It’s harder to sing standing.”
  • “Dad, you’d be a good Scrooge.”
  • “This was really fun!  I can’t wait for tomorrow.”
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