Big Bliss

Every afternoon of my childhood, I’d come home from school and watch an episode of Gilligan’s Island.  Who didn’t love that show?  Ginger and Mary Ann were easy on the eyes, and Mr. Howell was my idol:  old, rich, and Lovey was hot for a 70-year-old woman.

Now a days, my kids are watching reality TV, and there is plenty to go around.

There is this one show on TLC where they take really, well, ugly people, and they make them beautiful.  It is amazing!

First they make them look in this HUGE mirror so they can really see how very unattractive they are.  The mirror encircles them.  They can see every single nook and fanny of their body.  That’s the sad part of the show.

Then they make them throw away all of their crocks and black socks and t-shirts that say “I’m with Stupid.”  It can be very emotional, these clothes and the ugly person have been together for a very long time.

Then they give them $5,000 and take them shopping in New York to buy some decent outfits.

These people are bad off.  They always cry in the store because they don’t know what to buy, and they can’t get the image of the big mirror out of their head.  But eventually, the hosts of the show come to their rescue.  It’s all up hill from there.  And every single time, without exception, they end up beautiful – I mean stunning!

I have a hard time sitting through the entire hour, but I make the girls promise to find me when they get all the ugly out.  It’s just intriguing.  I  think everyone should go on that show.  The world would be a much more pleasing place to live.

There’s another series where a bride-to-be comes in and picks out her wedding dress.  Everyone in her family accopanies the bride, and they fight about which gown she should choose.  It’s called Say Yes To the Dress.  And, it has a sequel for big women – Say Yes To The Dress, Big Bliss.  I wonder if the larger ladies know they are going to be broadcast on a show that emphasizes their enormity.  I would not go on Say Yes To The Tank Top, Tiny Biceps.

I have learned some things from TLC.  The other day Stephanie tried on a pair of shoes with a new dress I had bought her.  My reaction when she walked out of the dressing room?

“Those really make that dress pop!”  (That means they make the dress look even prettier).

I also pointed out that she might want to try layers if she wanted to look taller (Don’t ask me, that’s what Stacy and Clinton said).

I could probably be one of the hosts of these fashion shows, but I’d rather be drinking a beer with the Skipper.

A Very Important Announcement!


Attention, attention! I have a very important announcement to make: Stephanie has decided that her favorite TV show has changed.  That’s right, “Avatar: The Last Airbender” cartoon is out. The teen mystery “House of Anubis” is IN, baby. (her interests in the Meet The Fam have been updated accordingly).

I don’t know much about this show, but it has been captivating the two youngest Tanner girls lately. Michelle says “there’s a lot of lip locking”. I might need to keep a closer eye out. I am sure this is the last time Stephanie will ever switch her favorite show. It’s “House of Anubis” from here on out, if you’re keeping score at home. I bet we’re gonna see a lot more of this show on the DVR.

Fortunately the girls have an incredible baby-sitter tonight (in.cred.ible. I think she spends more on babysitting supplies to bring than Danny pays her) so they’re getting a lot more stimulation than dumb ol’ TV.

But we’ll be watching TV tomorrow. I’m gonna see if I can sway two girls to pull for the Tar Heels tomorrow in the N.C. State-UNC game, because Danny’s going camping with Michelle. Somebody’s gotta set these girls straight, right? Go Heels!

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