I Can’t Even Imagine

Posted by Uncle Jesse

I almost wrote this post in February (hence the attempt at an avant-garde photo of the Tanner house Valentine’s wreath). It recently became relevant again.

Danny says he could take all the posts I’ve “almost written” and we’d have two blogs: The Real Full House blog and The Posts That Almost Made It Out Of Jesse’s Head And Onto The Real Full House blog. He’s a funny guy. But point taken–I’m not quite as good as Danny with the consistency piece.

Another thing I’m not as good as Danny at is listening. The guy is a human sounding board. I can’t imagine what it’s like for him having to feign interest in all the inane sports stuff I throw at him. Not that I think he’s a phony–he tells me his general interest in sports has grown (and I can attest that his knowledge has), and I believe him. Perhaps I just find it impossible for anyone else to care about the difference between the NBA and college basketball traveling rule. But you know what I’m good at? Talking. So I prattle on. And, even while cooking dinner, he plays the role of the engaged listener well, maintaining eye contact (glancing down briefly to empty the trash) and asking follow-up questions.

The same goes with stories about my weekends, my triumphs and frustrations with trying to start and grow and small business with my good friend, and the stupid MTV shows I watch. I don’t mean to suggest he gets nothing out of it–I do enjoy sharing music with him and I know he likes adding to his collection of tunes. I can’t yet tell if he’s sold on Chapelle’s Show, which I’ve been making him watch as Comedy Central replays them in summer, but he takes my word for it when I tell him the show was seminal, and thus puts up with the episodes I make him watch.

Some of my favorite conversations with him are about God. We talk about things we’ve read, or heard in church, or had explained to us but disagreed with. We both approach the subject with curiosity and humility. As Danny will attest, when I am certain I am right about something I will plow through any argument to the contrary (and enjoy the challenge along the way–perhaps a little too much). But most times these conversations involve phrases, “I think what makes the most sense in my head,” and “what I try to do is…”. The discussions always have the feel of two people trying to help each other learn more about a vastly complex subject, and I like that.

But there’s one thing that–though as we’ve talked about life and love and Lord, it has come up–I have trouble dumping on the guy:

How do you turn to a guy who lost his wife, best friend, lover, and mother to his three beautiful daughters….and complain about a broken heart?

My Mom

I attended Open House at the girls’ school last Sunday.  You walk through their classrooms, review their work and there is a huge art exhibit in the gym.

Most of the homeroom classes have attractive assignments posted in the class and throughout the hallways.

I was standing outside of Stephanie’s class waiting for her to finish talking with a friend.  I glanced over and on the wall found this peom, written by Stephanie in February.

My Mom

My mom watches over me day and night.

She is in heaven wiht God and Jesus.

Mom is the light of my day and is bright!

She’ll do whatever she can to please us.

I love her and she loves me so much, too!

Mrs. Tanner worked hard, I love her for that.

She cared for people, especially you.

She’d be by your side in one second flat.

Seh worked hard at church, she worked hard at school.

A great mom, a good wife, a special friend.

She was witty, clever, and always cool!

Always loyal until the very end.

With me she was always patient and calm.

She’s my very special Valentine mom!

I’m glad she remembers.

This All Started Innocently Enough…


We’re eating out for dinner tonight, and it’s not my fault. Well, not REALLY not my fault.

See, there are basically two adults in this house. Danny is one. And DJ and I combine make up the other adult. We have enough grown-up between the two of us to equal one adult. This can be good or bad. In a good way, it means there are three people with “adult-like” qualities, so we can spread ourselves out and cover most things. But the down side is that if DJ and I team up for some mischief, there’s really no one to stop us.

You could, actually, blame it on the blog.

You see, earlier today, Danny concluded his blog post by saying:

Think we’ll just go out to eat for dinner; I’m tired

Only DJ and I (bloodhounds that we are) detected thawing bean and chicken soup in the sink this morning at breakfast. We knew he had no intentions of going out to dinner. He was lying on the blog! We felt justified in taking corrective measures.

This afternoon, just before Danny got home, I called up to her:

“Hey DJ, want to stick the soup back in the freezer so we have to go out to dinner for Valentine’s Day?”

No hesitation from her: “YES! I almost did it earlier, but I didn’t want to do it on my own because I didn’t want to, you know, like get in trouble.”

See what I mean? Team up the two half-adults and we can’t be stopped. She was way too enthusiastic for me not to go through with it. But I had to pretend to be sensible:

Me: “Yeah, but you get out of dance late…”

DJ: “Yeah, but Stephanie already did piano and me and Stephanie already did homework. And Michelle never has homework!”

Me: “Ok…maybe we can convince him to pick up chinese.”

The soup really did look and smell good. I'm glad we have more.

Finally we decide to go through with it, though we’re still not clear on the reveal. Only AS WE’RE PUTTING THE SOUP IN THE FREEZER Danny literally comes through the door. Almost busted! We hastily toss the soup into the freezer as he blows by us to the bedroom (probably has to pee). Maybe too hastily.

Danny ventures back out to pick up Michelle, so DJ and I work on what the excuse is going to be (by the way, she’s waaay to good at brainstorming excuses for a 13-year old). DJ is just about to bolt for her dance carpool. She opens the freezer to check on the soup and WHAM! One of the containers explodes on the floor. A pile of beans and chicken, with soup slowly spreading across the kitchen like the blood of a gunshot victim. Oops.

DJ’s out the door leaving me holding the bag. Stephanie, who was all too content to just shout out suggestions for dining options should we pull this off, is now very interested. She comes downstairs in time to snap some pictures of me cleaning (my blog instincts weren’t sharp enough to grab a snapshot of the whole spill. It was grand).

the "chalk outline" of the soupy victim

Steph asks me:

“What are you going to tell him?”

“I guess I’ll just have to tell him the truth, huh?”

But not before shooting it out in a quick blog post, right?

(by the way, he’s been home 30 minutes now and still hasn’t noticed the soup missing or the smell of beans and chicken in the air. Guess I do a pretty good clean-up job!)

just desserts?

Easier than Christmas

Posted by Danny

Am I missing anything?

1. Napkins and plates, red with hearts, for Michelle’s school Valentine’s Day party.  At the beginning of the school year, when parents are asked to sign up for class projects and events, I push to the front of the line, even over pregnant moms with great intentions of supporting the teacher.  I act as if I have an important meeting to get to right after Parent Night.  My strategy is to put my name on the sign up sheet next to the easiest thing to do.  I’m all about some plates and napkins. 

2. Cards for each child in Michelle’s class with candy taped to the top.  A friend had her draw a card last week that I just had to copy – thank you Maura!  Bought the candy early last week when we stopped by the gro looking for razor blades for DJ.  Do you know how many types of razor blades there are for women?  I had to come back home to regroup before I could buy them.  There should be a standard “one size fits all” razor blade.  If they want to add a ribbon of moisture or a quattro trimstyle it should have to fit any razor out there.  Obama should get on that.

3. School fundraiser “balloon cards” ordered and paid for.  School fundraiser cards filled out and returned (a multi stepped process, double the work!).  I’m working on my school fundraiser attitude.  My philosophy is gouge me out of the gate.  I’ll pay you double if I don’t have to pay you on multiple occasions.  I’m an “all inclusive” sort of guy. 

4. Candy for Stephanie to pass out – but no cards or names.  She’s in 5th grade and needs to be able to hand them out as she deems appropriate on the day of – full flexibility.  Perhaps Cupid will  guide her.  I’m curious to know if any 5th grade boys receive a treat – I kinda hope so!  If your’s does, shoot me an email.  Look for fun dips with no name on the “To” line.

5. A small gift and candy for the girls – only money for DJ who is saving up for a Droid (March 3rd her current phone plan expires – whoa! whoa!).  More ways she can get in contact me when she’s upstairs in her room and I’m in the den.

6. A homemade card for Uncle Jesse (not my idea, Michelle made it at church today).  I do love him, but someone else is going to have to take care of his Valentine needs.  I have a few of my own.

7. Fudge ordered and picked up for the church fundraiser because this past weekend we ate a good portion of the food in the house that will kill us – need to get more in pronto.  Seriously, pizza, Krispy Kreme doughnuts and cheese dip within 24 hours of each other.  All fruit and veggies next week – skim milk, and V8 juice. (On a side note, just had a piece of the fudge, it’s really, really good.)

8. White shirt clean and ironed to wear to church with the annual red and white bow tie – working to keep things festive, plus it’s about the only time I get to wear that one.  A few years ago I was wearing it at a Y functionin December  and an elderly may walked up to me and said, “You look like a candy cane, I feel like I ought to lick you.”  I took it out of the regular rotation after that.  I only pull  it out when I’m feeling frisky.

9. Probably ought to drop a piece of candy in their lunchbox or something cute.  A note would be sweet but one more thing to do… OK, I’m writing the notes. 

Think we’ll just go out to eat for dinner; I’m tired –

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