Holes, Those Comfy Holes

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I had a crotchial blowout on Monday.  I’m not sure what happened.  I just picked them up and there was a huge hole.  Perhaps I saw it coming and just didn’t want to accept it.  They are so special to me.  They’re my favorite drawers.  They’re comfortable.  They don’t bind me at all.  I feel so free in them.  The elastic is just right – loose enough not to leave a mark, tight enough to grip even on a man with a derriere deficit.

I don’t understand.  I remember buying these boxers when I got married.  I thought I needed some underwear without holes in them.  And now look what happened.  Only 18 years old.  They just don’t make things like they used to.

I asked my mom to patch the hole, but she refused.  Something about stitching not working on rotten material.  What if we’d have given up on her at age 18?   We didn’t throw in the towel just because she’s aging!

I thought about taking them to the tailor, she hems all of my dress pants.  There is a language barrier though, and I was afraid she’d think I was getting fresh.  Plus, her husband is big, and I was afraid if I handed his wife my underwear he’d hit me.

I just like comfortable clothes.

This is my favorite t-shirt.  Lisa forbade me to wear it.  She told me if she caught me in it she would throw it away.

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Can wives do that?  Throw your stuff away even if you still need it?

I’m not sure, but I was too afraid to call her bluff.  I thought about putting it on to run a couple of errands and then keeping it in my briefcase so that there was little chance that she could toss it without my knowledge.  But that just seemed too cumbersome.  I did hang it on the back of the closet door right beside her robe.  It was sort of a warning:  Don’t mess with me … I’m a man.  I can put it on if I want.

And then, as I was putting on my favorite lounging pants this morning, my foot got stuck in the small hole I’d worn in the knee – rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiippppppppppppppppp.

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Dag gone.  I was gonna keep the boxers and wear them with those pants – the pinnacle of comfort.  But now I’m afraid there is just too little material and too much Danny.

Seriously, I put those three articles of clothing on and it’s like warm milk from your mama.  It just feels right.  That ensemble is more comfortable than being naked.

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16 Comments

  1. Annette Heath

     /  February 27, 2013

    Thanks for the morning laughter…needed that. Love the part about your Mama. I have two old sweaters that I have worn over a shirt every morning of this cold winter…’cause I’m out before 7 AM with a dog. Rather than turn up the heat, I just wear one of those old sweaters with a hole in the elbow around the house where no one sees me. Gettin’ near spring now and I’ll just have to throw them out, but sure hate to do that. Thanks Danny. Love your sense of humor.

    Reply
  2. I laughed out loud at “too little material and too much Danny”.

    Reply
  3. I guess I don’t see what’s wrong with that t-shirt. Women just don’t understand that sometimes it takes a good 15-20 years for our clothes to break in.

    Reply
  4. Mel Ham

     /  February 27, 2013

    you are hendering on being a tight wad…nope you are there…quit wearing holey jammies and boxers..and t shirts….You work for the Y for crying out loud! Spend some money…the moral of the story is after 18 years being washed, and involved with your life…all things break loose.

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  February 28, 2013

      Mel – have you seen some of your husband’s clothes?? Think beach homemade muscle shirts…

      Reply
  5. David K

     /  February 27, 2013

    I have two shirts that I have to trim when I wear them. They are raveling away but they are comfortable. Hang on to those as long as you can. Maybe when you wear them you can call yourself half a commando.

    Reply
  6. Evie Lichti

     /  February 27, 2013

    Are you trying to tell us you’re more holy than righteous?? Hope not! You’re a good man, Charlie Brown!

    Reply
  7. I envy your ability to wear your clothes out. That would save me a tonne of money! Very funny clothes issue btw.

    Reply
  8. Mom

     /  February 27, 2013

    You had my church friends chuckling tonight about your old underwear. They do have fun with your blog!

    Reply
  9. I had a lot of fun ,of course, at reading your post! I’m becoming addict,I suppose.

    Reply
  10. This is the first blog I have ever read on this site and I must say very entertaining! My father was always upset when my step-mother trashed his favorite clothes. Now that I am older and have a man of my own he has some old work shirts that I would love to trash lol but he says “they are just to comfy”:)

    Reply

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