Eyebrows 101

Now that's an eyebrow job

Now that’s an eyebrow job

My middle kid is beginning to think a bit less about hoola hooping and a bit more about looking pretty.  She asked for a hair straightener for Christmas.  It’s basically an iron – I use it on my shirts sometimes.  I’m afraid of it.  It’ll burn the crap out of you.  And where do you use it?  Right near your head and face.  I wouldn’t use a chain saw to cut my hair.  Why use an iron to straighten it?  Dan-ger-ous!

Recently, we were at Belk and went to their glass eyebrow closet.  Very, very interesting.

We thought it might be time to shape up the little devils.  I decided I’d watch carefully so that I could do them next time and save $20.  If I have to fund six ten-dollar brows a month for the next decade, that’s $7,200.  I wonder if we let them grow together in the middle if she’d just charge me for one.  Oh, and you gotta leave a tip.  Maybe they could rotate months – left brow on the evens and right on the odds.

Stephanie sat on a tall pink stool while the lady inspected her face with a big magnifying mirror.  Why would anyone look at their face with a mirror like this?  It accentuates your ugly.  I held it up to my eyeball, and it scared me to death.  My eye looked like Uncle Festus from the Adams Family.  Huge dark circles helped frame the droopy bags.  There is skin resting on the top of my eyelid.  It serves no purpose.  What’s it doing there?  It looked like you could have stored my spare change in the pores.  Don’t look in those mirrors.  A glance in a full length on the way out of the door is as close as a 47-year-old should get to their own reflection.  I look much better from a distance.

The clinician then used Stuart Little’s comb  and scissors to trim Steph’s brows.  It was like a mini  Supercuts.  I told her to take plenty off the sides but to leave enough in the front for a solid part.  I could do that; it didn’t look very hard.

The woman then pulled out a honey jar full of hot tan wax.  She slopped a blob above Stephanie’s left eyebrow.  When I was a kid, I loved hot wax.  I couldn’t wait until the Christmas Eve service at church.  Excited about Jesus’ birthday?  Nah.  I was pumped that we got to hold lit candles and drip the wax on our hands.  My brother and I would turn the candle on its side and wax the inside of our palms.  It was painful but in a good sort of way.  My late night church services and shoving my hands in my mom’s candles after a dinner party would surely be enough experience for me to take on this task in the future.

“This might sting a bit,” our Belk employee warned.  She grabbed the end of the wax and RRRRRIIIP!  Those little hairs didn’t have a chance.

I think my girls are beautiful with or without eyebrows.  But if they want to spiffy them up, I’m game.  Gonna dig in the church supply closet on Sunday to find the box marked Christmas candles.  Once I find them, we’re good to go!

Leave a comment


  1. Ah memories… Home waxing kits, home brow shaper kits, razors, tweezers… I think I did it all trying to sort out those strange hairy lines above my eyes. Take it from someone who tried and had no brows for most of her 20s: there are just certain things you don’t mess with on your own, brows are one of them. Let the girls get them waxed…

    The best way to save money is to go once every six weeks and use a brow brush in between. Your brow has a natural arch. Use the brush in upward strokes and you’ll find it. A little hair gel also helps for when they’re being especially ragged.

    By the way, there’s more fun on the horizon… Have you met the Clinique counter yet? Lucky, lucky man!

    • Danny Tanner

       /  May 16, 2013

      an eye brush? i’ll have to check into that –

  2. I think Cris is right….!
    (Experience is the best teacher , remember!)
    A big hug to the entire family….

  3. I enjoyed reading this post

  4. Miriam

     /  May 18, 2013

    I’m also frightened of my daughter’s hair iron. It doesn’t seem like it would be good for your hair to do that. And I’m 45, and I agree that we shouldn’t look at our faces close up. From a distance, everything looks fine…
    As far as eyebrows go, I always liked the idea of nicely shaped ones but rarely wanted to pay someone to do it, and I was always pretty cautious with the tweezers. Now I’m glad I didn’t overpluck, because after a certain age they seem to stop growing.

    • Danny Tanner

       /  May 19, 2013

      that’s interesting – they just stop?

      • Miriam

         /  May 20, 2013

        Well, I still have eyebrows (they look normal I guess) but they don’t seem to need much plucking. Which is fine with me!

  5. I just came across your blog! Curious if you or your girls know about threading? It’s usually cheaper than waxing and it’s actually better for the skin. The waxing process actually strips the elasticity out of your skin unlike threading. You’re a pretty cool Dad to allow your daughter to have her eyebrows done!

    • Danny Tanner

       /  May 19, 2013

      I saw that in the mall but it sort of freaked me out. Maybe I’ll have my oldest give it a try.

  6. Kelly Thompson

     /  May 27, 2013

    I love your post! They are so inspiring. I have read four today to catch up. Keep on writing, actually I think you should write a book. Hugs to you and your family 🙂

  7. I am a female who was raised by a single dad…I WISH he would have taken me to get my brows waxed! I was teased in junior high for having bushy brows, finally an aunt “plucked away the strays.” It was until I was in college that I discovered the ease of eyebrow waxing. Then when I was about 28, the hair just stopped growing. I don’t know why this happens, but I no longer have to budget for eyebrow waxing! Yay!


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