Happy Birthday Danny Tanner! You are officially very elderly. That’s right folks – it’s the big 5-0. This is DJ Tanner reporting from Washington, DC. Since I will not be home to celebrate the milestone of my father being alive for half a century and since I am a broke college student that didn’t want to pay for shipping, I decided to give the gift of some kind words for all the world to see in this surprise blog post. Even though you may not understand every single inside joke, without further ado, I give you “50 Things We Love About Dad,” with much love from Michelle, Stephanie, and DJ Tanner. (Don’t be fooled, some of these pictures are old, so he looks younger).
1. His unique bowtie collection and his overall sense of style (even though we bash it occasionally). We love the bowtie thing, because he taught us how to tie them…and that’s how we get all of the cute boys.
2. His stash of gum and sweet tarts in the car (that we all know he LOVES to share).
3. His funny voices/accents.
4. His ability to do something hilarious on command that oftentimes ends with one of his children wetting their pants.
5. His inability to naturally smile in pictures unless his children are tickling his chin.
6. His knowledge of the daddy handbook. (Example: “excerpt from page 834, Daddy’s may tickle their daughters, but they may not tickle back.”)
7. His devotion to constantly remind us that “he loves us the mostest.”
8. His goober reading glasses that make him look at least 73.
9. His lap for sitting.
10. His motherlike actions – including, but not limited to, knowing the most recent girl fashion, understanding the need for manicures and eyebrow waxing, and the instinct to leave us alone at that time of the month.
11. His obsession with Chick-Fil-A, making it so that every road trip consists of at least three stops to our second home (Chick-fil-A that is).
12. His love handles, even though we know he hates them..
13. And his dedication to P90X because of them.
14. His cheap spending habits. (Not sure which sister came up with this one, but it was not DJ).
15. His dedication to color coding his shirts in his closet.
16. His willingness to play “Don’t come in my kitchen,” even when he has had a long day and when his children probably should have grown out of wanting to play this family game.
17. His ever growing pig collection.
18. His pajamas – including his scrubs, his holey underwear, and his beloved slippers.
19. His commitment to his yard.
20.His addiction to the “Candy Crush” iPhone game.
21. His ability to edit college essays and election speeches.
22. His instinct to cheer us up with his crazy humor when we are stressed over a silly assignment.
23. His patience with technology. He’s not very good at it yet, but he tries. Remember that one time he deleted everything on his phone?
24. His tradition of writing us crazy poems in our lunch boxes or camp mailboxes. Here is an excerpt from a really long poem for when I went to college.
25. His cooking. Well…not really, but we like to watch him think that he can cook fish and then watch him order Chinese food (our favorite) when it doesn’t work out.
26. His taste in music – he has taught us some oldies which we have fallen in love with.
27. His bravery when allowing each child to have 10 friends over all in one night.
28. His patience when all 30 of these kids stay up all night, or insist on cooking pancakes at 4 in the morning (true story).
29. His faith.
30. His back pocket from which he can always pull out old YMCA skits and ideas.
31. His dancing skills. Specifically his waltzing in “A Christmas Carol” and his shagging.
32. His love for his mom’s chocolate cake and the fact that he can eat the whole bowl of extra icing in one sitting.
33. His inability to drop us off at summer camp or college without crying paired with his ability to pretend like he isn’t crying, by putting on sunglasses.
34. His “blonde” hair.
35. His determination to teach us how to ride a bike back in the day.
36. His dedication to making sure we all have dates for all of our all girl school dances.
37. His team spirit.
38. His insistence on taking family pictures when nobody else wants to.
39. His Christmas card making skills.
40. His ability to take a joke. Remember when we froze your underwear? Hid your slippers? Short-sheeted your bed?
41. His love for crab hunting at the beach.
42. His skill for making our lunches look like “faces” on the plate, and his actions as we pretend to eat each body part. (Example: you eat the ears made of carrots, Dad can’t hear anymore!)
43. His book and his blog. We also like being the cover of his book.
44. His three cups of coffee in the morning and his dump afterwards. I’m not sure where any of us would be without this daily routine.
45. His interest in being involved in our schools. We like that he knows what’s going on and that he occasionally helps out on a committee or two.
46. His confidence when having the “…now what kind of tampons did you want” conversation on the phone in the middle of Target.
47. His second silly verse to “Sanctuary” that he made up and taught all three of us. Seriously, ask us and we will sing you a completely made up verse, synchronized.
48. His constant need to keep the house tidy.
50!! Ep nom duppi duppi.