A Gift For Us

Posted by Danny

Today would have been Lisa’s 41st birthday.  I’m on a cruise – I just can’t face these days at home.

But I think that she has given me a gift on this, her birthday.

On February 14, 2010, Lisa wrote me a Valentine’s Day card.  It was ten days before she died. 

For some reason, I did not open it that night.  She was sick and I just never got around to it.  In fact, I didn’t decide to open it until the day after her funeral.

When I sat in my chair in the den and opened the red envelope, I was scared that I was going to be disappointed.  That perhaps she would have just signed her name.

I was not. 

It wasn’t a long card, but it was the most beautiful, selfless thing I’ve ever read.

I have written that I have very little guilt associated with Lisa’s death.  I think I did all that I could – and perhaps I have that clear conscience because she wrote that in this card. 

It was a message from the one I loved who told me not to worry, not to feel responsibility for the outcome of her disease – that I had done all that I could do.

It was a  get out of jail card from the only person who could issue such freedom. 

Although I was totally unprepared for Lisa’s death, my wife knew she was going to die and wasn’t about to let that keep the rest of us from living.  Instead of resentment toward those who were able to stay behind, she showered them with love and offered us an invitation to move forward without her. 

She gave us the gift of a clear conscience; she gave us the gift of a guilt free future.

Happy Birthday Baby.  And thank you.

Leave a comment


  1. What a beautiful gift. Best wishes for smooth sailing on your cruise.

  2. Helen LaVere

     /  April 18, 2011

    Happy birthday to Lisa. I know she is very proud of each of you!

  3. April (Calvin) Poole

     /  April 18, 2011

    What a love gift to leave to those dearest to you, you and your family are blessed beyond belief. Lingering guilt is a haunting emotion.
    Enjoy the sun and the sea – what a grand time to go.

  4. enjoy that cruise. and keep writing.

  5. Scott E.

     /  April 18, 2011

    I had not checked the blog for several months now but just happened to check today. What a gift you have received in the letter bro! I hope that you are lifted up today – those reading on this site certainly are.

  6. Melanie Walker

     /  April 18, 2011

    Wishing you sun on your face, and wind on your back, and hugs from your girls, and excellent cocktails and happy, happy memories, my dear, dear friend.

  7. Wayne

     /  April 18, 2011

    Lisa and I had a common approach to things: it is what it is. You deal with what comes your way. What a smart girl she was to remind you of that in the end. How generous of her to give you and the girls permission to live your lives. And we give you permission to do the same…and so does God. You are doing an excellent job of making a life for your family in spite of your greif. I’m proud of you!

  8. Have a nice get away cruise! Find a buffet! 🙂

  9. What a big and beautiful gift she gave you!

  10. Mel Ham

     /  May 1, 2011

    I meant to comment on this picture a week ago…I love love love this picture of her…beautiful…and she didn’t like having pictures taken of her…this one is so good..it comforts me..


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